Can I just be honest for a minute?
I'm really frustrated. I'm frustrated with myself.
I'm someone who has big goals and dreams for the future. I want to be a life-changer. I want to be healthy and fit. I want to be debt-free. I want to be a speaker. I want to be peaceful. I want to help others achieve their goals. I want to be an inspirer. I want to travel. I want to foster amazing and deeply meaningful relationships.
And yet, lately, I've let fear of what others think, negative self-talk, distraction, comparison, and a general feeling of unworthiness overtake me. I've been hiding from the world and myself. I've been hiding from what I love most; connecting with and making a positive impact on others.
Fear is a tricky thing. Many times we don't even realize we are acting (or not acting) out of fear. We just don't show up to the thing, don't reach out to the person, and try to fill our mind and our time with distractions. Hell...I'm the queen of hiding from my fear through distractions! My upcoming calendar is proof of that...I'm booked so solid I barely have time to think!
So what is the point of this post? Is it to therapuetically vent? Maybe a little...
I guess the point is, it's ok to have HUGE intimidating goals. And it's ok to be afraid. It's ok to want to curl up in a ball sometimes. It's ok to let people know you need help coming out of that tiny wound-up ball. It's ok to take baby steps.
One thing I've heard several times recently is that it's ok to let fear be a passenger in your car, but it is not ok to let fear drive. Fear may grab the steering wheel for a few seconds when you aren't looking, but try to get mindful and present and recognize what's happening. Recognize that you are not stupid or lazy or damaged or incapable...you are just someone who's learning, step by step, how to overcome fear. Being fearful of the ridiculously awesome life you are planning for yourself doesn't mean you can't have ALL the awesomeness, it just means you need to learn to "do it afraid."
You and me, we need to stop hiding. We need to call our "laziness", "lack of motivation", and "lack of happiness and clarity" by its real name: FEAR.
I'm so far from perfect...but I'm going to keep trying to step out. I'm going to keep trying to "do it afraid." I'm going to keep shooting for those amazingly awesome goals even when my own mind is trying to sabotage me. Because I can see you, Fear...I know I can't eliminate you completely...I might allow you to ride with me in the back seat...but I am not going to let you drive my car!